Hey there everybody! Glad to be back and writing again! If you've read the title of this article than you can probably guess that this update is about all the secrets and more so the hardships exchange students go through on their year abroad. Now before I start writing away...let me first give credit where credit is due. I was influenced to write this article based on Cristian Fabiano's article "What Exchange Students Don't Tell You" (link: http://crisgoesabroad.blogspot.it/2017/05/what-exchange-students-dont-tell-you.html ) I found everything he described extremely relatable and decided share my own perspective on the matter! Without further adieu, here's the truth about the secret life of an exchange student.
"Everyone sees what you appear to be, few experience what you really are."
This is a quote that I find defines my exchange life perfectly. If we're being completely honest here, I don't want my friends and family to know about the struggles I've gone through on exchange. It's just the truth. I want them to see the pictures of me snorkeling in a coral reef, tanning on a yacht, and enjoying gelato on the beach and think, 'Wow, she's having the time of her life.' I've definitely mastered this concept of only showing people the bright sides of my exchange, because my photos still get those 'You're so lucky!' comments. However, here I am at the end of my exchange year, and honestly I'm enjoying the best parts because I've already been through the hard stuff. By now I'm fluent in Italian, have established my friend group, and am filling every day with fun activities because I know I'm leaving soon. So yes, right now I'm exceptionally happy because I can efficiently communicate with everybody. But after 8 months of only showing the good, I'd like to get the hardships off my chest.
Let's start with host families. I cannot express to you how important your host family is. They are supposed to treat you like their son/daughter for the period of time that you're living with them. And for starters, I'd like to say how unbelievably lucky I am to have received the host family I have. They deserve Host Parents of the Decade Award for giving me some of the greatest memories, along with providing the genuine love and support that I needed this year. However...this is an article about the difficulties of host families, and truth be told I didn't experience the hard parts first hand, because I was extremely lucky. Unfortunately, many of my exchange friends were not as lucky.
As an exchange student you don't get to pick your host family, however you are "assured" that if you have any issues with the one you are given that they will find you a replacement family ASAP. Now I'm sure that in extreme cases like abuse or neglect they immediately remove you from the home, but some of my friends went through intense verbal attacks (one so terrible that she recorded 20 minutes of her host mom yelling at her as proof), unfairness, and refusal to be driven anywhere. Refusal to be driven is a bigger deal than people understand. Some people owe the isolation and loneliness of their exchange to their host families inability to take them anywhere. If you can't go out, you don't bond with friends and you don't establish a friend group.
Your host family is supposed to treat you as their own, and instead some of us are met with judgement and constant comparison to our family's actual son/daughter. And let's be real for a second, sometimes there is nothing you need more than to be held by a mother "figure" and be told that everything is alright. We don't always get that. Believe me, being deprived of affection like that is nothing you're actually prepared for, nor do you consider it before departing.
Now on to school and classmates. When you come abroad, one of the things you're the most excited about is your first day of school.
'Don't you think you should have already mastered the language by now?'
'You're making really simple mistakes...you should know this stuff.'
'You would think you were better after almost a year here...'
- comments received every day
Look, the truth is that they don't understand. Many of them will never understand. They begin getting impatient when you take too long to string a sentence together, they correct your grammar with attitude, and they laugh at you. What they fail to see is that when you learn a new language, you can understand more than you can speak. And in the beginning, they talk about what you're wearing, your funny accent, and judge your personality without realizing that you can understand them. But you want friends, you need friends, so you pretend that you don't get it and smile.
I already did an article about loneliness and homesickness, so I'm not going to get too into it. But the reality of it is that it's unavoidable. You can feel lonely in a classroom with people who are nice to you. You can feel lonely when you're having dinner with your family. You just tend to feel lonely, and it's because you're trapped in your own body. You can't express yourself like how you do in your native language. You can't tell people the really funny thing that happened today because you can't translate everything fast enough for people to get the humor. People want to know why you're upset, and you literally can't put it into words, let alone translate those
They tell you before going on exchange that it's best if you don't hang out too often with other exchange students. There's some reason to that - you'll learn the language faster and throw yourself into your new culture more efficiently. But without other exchange students, you feel really alone. Like I mentioned before, nobody understands what it's like to be an exchange student. We don't want to tell them that we stayed up sobbing until 2 a.m. because we can't communicate our feelings. We don't want them to know that school is not a place where we have fun and practice our language, but rather where we feel the most judged. They don't understand. And unless they're exchange students they never will. If you can find another student with your program, get in contact with them. Believe me it's for the better, because a lot of the time they're the only ones who understand you.
I didn't write this article to scare anybody out of doing their exchange. In fact I wrote it for friends, families (+ host), and teachers of exchange students...perhaps to see if I can help you understand? We may keep a big chunk of our lives secret from you. It's not a trust thing, but we want you to see the best of us. We want you too think that we've successfully established ourselves into our new culture and that we are worthy of our exchange. And don't think for a second that we're not trying, we put up a stronger fight than you think. And in exchange for our bravery, all we ask for is patience and understanding.
Thank you for reading! I am a little nervous that I scared off some potential exchange students, so my next article will be about all of the amazing benefits to studying abroad! I hope to see you guys soon!
~ Nicole Solomon xoxo
